My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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