eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
