I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
