Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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