my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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