So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
