i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
