so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
