just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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