i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
