Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
