I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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