dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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