She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
MIDGETS
????
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
