You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
