Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
