I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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