I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
