So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
