Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
