she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
