i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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