garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
