does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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