I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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