Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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