And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
