Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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