Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
