I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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