Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
