Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
