I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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