I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
