But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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