I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
