You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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