Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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