guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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