Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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