Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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