I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
