In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
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no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
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Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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