It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My dick has a subreddit
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
