Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
