I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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