I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
