yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
