You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
