he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
