Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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