My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
