i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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