so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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