Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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