why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
