i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He shit in the fireplace
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
