loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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