hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need to sanitize my soul.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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