You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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