No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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