the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
