This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How many fucks given?
0.12846
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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