4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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