Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
