He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
