Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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