I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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