I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We left an ass print on the piano.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
