her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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