I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize