break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
