dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
