mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
