One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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