Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
farters have to be the big spoon...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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